A quarter of a century

Twenty five years ago today, Kathryn and I stood at the alter and promised ourselves to each other.  So much good has come of that – starting with our children Georgia, Amy, Ruby and Andrew.  It has had many joys, mixed with hardship and plenty of struggles.  Any relationship of value comes at a cost, of course, and no two people can be close over time without that proximity causing tension somewhere.  Life is messy.  That’s ok.

I had long anticipated that Kathryn and I would have spent today and this week at Brampton Island – where we honeymooned exactly 300 moons ago.  (Wow, that is a lot of moons.)  Instead I’m alone watching a lightning show from the back of a boat on dry dock in Darwin.  Strange.

At the deepest level I know that our divorce is the product of my mistakes.  That includes failings over these two and a half decades, but also failing to dig deep enough into differences that – if I had been honest with myself even at the time – I could have known before we married would end in the pain of falling apart.  But youth is too often slow to study the big picture or long run.  It takes a lot for red-blooded post-teens to really honestly assess such big questions, when the answers might possibly be inconvenient.  But a house stands or falls on the quality of its foundation, and that’s just as true for a family and marriage.  Hindsight suggests that the Good Book’s exhortation to marry “equally yoked” deserves more than a cursory glance.  Ignoring that idea to avoid hard work only defers the work and risks devastating outcomes.  This failure is without doubt my biggest grief in life.

So here I am.  Alone on the back of a dry-dock yacht on our 25th anniversary.  I’m sure its a tough day for Kathryn too.

2 Comments

  • Jenny van den Bosch

    You are not alone

  • We hear you – and sit with you in the pain. Yes, the milestone is significant, and worthy of the reflective blog post.
    However, the perspective it brings you is not the only lens for seeing your current situation.
    Tomorrow morning, start trying out the other lenses to reframe your current situation with a forward perspective.
    Who knows, it may be the fifth lens you try that reveals the beginning of the next phase of your life journey…

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