The D-word

It is done.

The Deputy Registrar made a divorce order this morning.  There ends 24 years, 11 months and 3 weeks of marriage.  Well, not quite – as the order takes effect in a month and a day from now.  So we’ll still technically be married when our 25th anniversary rolls around next Tuesday, 13th of December.

I rang in to proceedings simply to affirm our marriage and the life-long commitment that represents.  It seems that’s unusual, and no-one really expected “the counterparty” to be there.  I affirmed my commitment to my wife and children knowing the Courts are disinterested in that, but couldn’t allow that momentous and devastating action to play out without registering protest.The Deputy Registrar said that my “statements have been heard”, but (as of course is expected in a “no-fault divorce context”) that made no difference.

Marriage is too easily cast aside.  We glibly say “the children are resilient” and it is better to put the marriage tension aside.  That is not my view.  The children need both parents, and need them together.  The commitment to each other in the marriage vow is before God and until death, and that covenant word should be kept.

I am ultimately accountable for our marriage failure, both in general and specific ways.  I’m grieved by my own failings, and it simply demonstrates that we reap what we sow.  I’m deeply grieved by our broken marriage, and by the impact on my wife and children, on our broader family, and on our community.

It is a dark day.

 

PS These comments are my musings about my situation. As Dale Stephenson says, the basis of these ideas is “a mirror to hold, not a rock to throw”. The only person at whom I’m taking pot shots here is me. Not you!

5 Comments

  • Jenny van den Bosch

    Praying for you.

  • Cam B

    Tough day after a tough few years. Hoping this can be the start of a fresh perspective and chapter to discover more of who you are and what you’re being asked to do next. Remember that chat we had years ago, that the new thing isn’t often an evolution of the previous thing, becoming the next thing. God bless

    • Ruth Bosveld

      Prying for you and your family, Daniel.

  • Paul Arnott

    Very sad Daniel to read what you’ve written. Sometimes life seems really unfair and makes little sense. May you know God’s presence as you grieve.

  • Mark B

    There are a few other D-words that could sit with that one, and it is OK to pour them out as part of the grieving. As you said in your earlier post, there is a life-long commitment there that is part of who you are and does not disappear even when it is denied and hurt by others.
    But there is an even deeper part of you that is intrinsically secure and safely held by the creator. That part of you will endure well beyond the grieving; it will outlast your failings and their consequences; it will rise again in any context where you walk by faith, as you nurture your spiritual identity into a fresh season of growth. Living things grow, and growth involves change, even waiting!!! Go easy on yourself…

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